Dear Landlord, Landlady, God, and Timing,

Thank you so much for deciding to let me stay here. I didn't want to sound petulant and childish, but the idea of moving this fall—for the fifth time in six years—made me want to cry. It, in fact, did make me cry. Especially after seeing some of the apartments available elsewhere in the city within this price range, I couldn't bear the idea of leaving my garret, this neighborhood, or your family. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Movers,

I take back every bad thing I ever said about you. God bless you for carrying 126 items -- among them box springs, mattress, giant chair, kitchen table, and approximately a quarter ton of books -- up a flight of stairs and through an apartment with ceilings obviously not made for people as vertically blessed as you.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Movers,

I know I'm not the only person in the world who's moving, but it is January. So I have to wonder why you decided to take my stuff out of my house on Friday, hold it in your storehouse for four days, and not even leave the state until yesterday. If you had left the day you took my things, you could have made it here and back before the midwest snowstorm. But no, you decided to wait until yesterday to start the drive. Now you're shooting for a January 16th arrival. Do you realize what this means?

• 5 more days without a bed.
• 5 more days without a bedspread.
• 5 more days with only 4 outfits.
• 5 more days without pots and pans.
• 5 more days without my kitchen table.
• 5 more days without my shower curtain.

A blizzard would have been a great time to unpack all my boxes. Instead, you'll be holed up in a motel 200 miles from home, and I'll be stuck in an unfurnished apartment for another five days.

Watch for black ice, and stay warm.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Best Buy and Bank of America,

Thank you for collectively making it possible for me to acquire an iPhone this week. The cash for credit card points I've accumulated over the past five years will pay for my new data plan for the next two years, and the new iPhone 4S made all the older GS3s free at Best Buy.

My favorite part of having an iPhone this week is the free classic literature on the iBooks App. With all my books packed up and ready to move, it's nice to have Sense and Sensibility to curl up with after a long day of crumpled newspapers and packing tape.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Procrastination,

You live in a world of unreality. You seem to think that if you ignore something long enough, it will go away. While this may be true for goldfish, it is not true for the rest of life. Even in the goldfish scenario, if you ignore it long enough, it doesn't actually go away. It dies. Then you still have to clean up.

I propose a change of attitude. If you can accept reality, you're likely able to finish grading assignments within an hour. You can wash and wax your car while it's still sunny and reasonably warm outside. You can maintain your spotless record for paying all bills on time and sticking to budget. If you can simply focus and prioritize, you can even manage to pack for next month's move with a minimum level of stress.

If you ignore packing long enough, you're still locked into a lease.

Hugs & kisses,
B