Dear Google Maps App,

Ahh!!! You even have cycling directions now too!!!!

You really are amazing.

Hugs & kisses,

B

Dear Feminine Wiles,

You've been entirely absent most of my life, and I got kind of used to it. Yes, I wanted to think there would be a day I might be attractive, but in reality, never able to imagine a time you'd ever be on, I built up no strategy for turning you off. But it seems I need to learn.

First, it was my one true love on State Street. Last week, it was the man (Bingo, he called himself) on the bus who offered me a seat. On his lap.

And today, it was on my way out of the library. I got a (and I quote), "Damn, girl, you are fine," complete with some kind of wolf whistle. Thank the Lord it's day light in the evenings now.

The thing is, now that you apparently exist, suddenly, after the awkwardness of my teenage years and beyond, I don't know how to handle this type of thing. From behind my eyes, I'm still the acne-speckled, overweight, unstylish girl with split ends, and it's hard to believe that these forthright displays of attraction aren't some kind of joke.

And really, even if that wasn't the case, I'm pretty sure it's uncomfortable for everyone to be wolf-whistled and lap-offered. So while I appreciate the fact you finally decided to exist, you need to chill out when I'm around creepers, okay? Because that's not cool.

Feel free to crank it up, however, around non creepers. That I don't object to.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Google Maps App,

I am so, so, so, so, so grateful for your development. Yes, using HopStop got me by, and if I was okay working with generalities, the Apple maps app did okay, but ever since downloading you, I have felt once again whole in my navigational requirements. Not only do you actually have public transit worked into the app, you list out every stop between the origin and the destination in a handy expand-and-collapsible section. I know I'm geeking out right now in a most decidedly unbecoming way, but after freaking out a few months ago when Apple dropped every kind of navigational ball, I wanted to make public my feelings for you. A few weeks too late, Google Maps App, will you be my Valentine?

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Apple,

The reason I got an iPhone in December was for the public transit map information on your Maps app. And now, nine months later, you obliterate it with your own terrible excuse for a Maps app that doesn't even pretend to tell me the bus schedule? Really?

I'm not even kidding: where can I downgrade to the previous iOS so I can actually use the feature I got this phone for in the first place? I have it on good authority that Steve Jobs is ashamed of this whole affair, keeping tabs with his Ways My Company Is Failing Me app from the Great Beyond.

And this is just my personal public transit outcry; I understand that folks who use Maps for driving and other purposes are perhaps less stranded than those of us suddenly left without transit directions, but they're no less outraged at the faulty and downright dumb functionality of this new excuse for a "smart" application.

Okay, okay, barring a downgrade to the previous iOS, where can I get an Android? Yes, Apple. I just went there.

Shame on you,
B

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9:35 update: Upon initial investigation, I'm ready to tentatively say HopStop is a valid replacement, as least for the bus schedules, but I'm not sure what will replace the driving problems. Just one more good reason not to invest in a car.