Dear J.J. Abrams,

Seriously, dude, you have some major daddy-daughter issues.

Lately, while watching the Alias episodes I missed out on while working in college, all I keep thinking is that you've somehow managed to cover just about every single weird relationship snag between fathers and daughters you possibly could in this show. And it's not just Alias. I remember back when I watched Heroes the straaa-aaaa-aaange things you wrote for HRG to do in his dysfunctional protection of his daughter the cheerleader. Not only do you cover hatred, but you also manage to throw in a strong dose of protective idolatry, too.

Do you have a daughter? Did she turn out okay? And no, I've never watched Lost, but I suspect you've managed to write in some chosen-girl prophecy to that one, too, complete with a trigger-happy daddy ready to do anything to protect his baby.

Ooh, ooh, new drinking game: a shot for every person who gets shot on this show. Never mind. I like my liver too much.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Baron Julian Fellowes,

That's it. I'm done. Through. Over.

I know I said this at the end of last season, but for real, I mean it this time. To keep my letters spoiler-free, I'll refrain from saying any more, but after that headlining episode mid-season, I wondered if the only reason I stayed tuned might be because I had friends coming over to watch it every week.

Now, after what you've done tonight, I have to tell you the shaky ground we've been on all season has officially crumbled beneath our feet. There's no turning back. And if I weren't so tired, I could say this with fewer clichés. Not that you seem to mind them, yourself.

Nice job with the artsy landscape shots of the Highlands. I will say that. But not Rose nor Sybbie nor the miracle of Mary's 25-inch waistline at 8 months gestation will draw me in next January.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Jules Verne,

How can your characters be 35 leagues below the surface of the earth and have 1,500 leagues to go until they reach the center, when the earth itself has only a 1,150 league radius?

(35 + 1,500 > 1,150)

Sometimes when I think too much about your books, I'm reminded of the person who once said that science fiction is often not very good fiction, and usually rather crummy science. I could say you were writing two centuries ago and could be forgiven the inaccurate data, but come on, Jules. Eratosthenes was a few hundred centuries before you, and even he wasn't that far off.

Still, your books do give us a lot to think about regarding the way we approach, trust, and depend on science even today. For that, you deserve to remain on the shelves and reading lists for years to come . . . not to mention the silver screen.

Hugs & kisses,
B