Dear Businesses that Advertise Things Everyday,

Let's talk about that word: everyday. I know that sometimes space is limited on signs, but that's no reason for inaccuracy. Here's a guide:

Everyday (no space): Describes something common and unremarkable.

Example: No matter how much she loves me, my mom probably doesn't want to hear about my teeth-brushing and other everyday events.

Every day (with a space): Describes the frequency with which something happens.

Example: I'm always excited to save $1.00 on coffee when I bring my own mug, even though it happens every day.

So when you advertise your $5 Buck Lunch Everyday, I have to wonder if you meant to say it happens each day or if you think it's not a very remarkable deal.

Hugs & kisses,

B

Dear Dairy Queen's $5 Buck Lunch,

Are you a lunch for male deer, maybe? A saltlick and berries? An extra dollar off if you come in with antlers?

I ask because you're called the Five-dollar buck lunch. Or didn't you realize that the $ means dollars? That is to say, if you have a $, then you don't need the "buck." Either you're trying to get our attention with your incorrectness, or you need to find some more language-savvy folks to contribute to your ad campaign.

Hugs & kisses,

B

Dear Apple,

The reason I got an iPhone in December was for the public transit map information on your Maps app. And now, nine months later, you obliterate it with your own terrible excuse for a Maps app that doesn't even pretend to tell me the bus schedule? Really?

I'm not even kidding: where can I downgrade to the previous iOS so I can actually use the feature I got this phone for in the first place? I have it on good authority that Steve Jobs is ashamed of this whole affair, keeping tabs with his Ways My Company Is Failing Me app from the Great Beyond.

And this is just my personal public transit outcry; I understand that folks who use Maps for driving and other purposes are perhaps less stranded than those of us suddenly left without transit directions, but they're no less outraged at the faulty and downright dumb functionality of this new excuse for a "smart" application.

Okay, okay, barring a downgrade to the previous iOS, where can I get an Android? Yes, Apple. I just went there.

Shame on you,
B

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9:35 update: Upon initial investigation, I'm ready to tentatively say HopStop is a valid replacement, as least for the bus schedules, but I'm not sure what will replace the driving problems. Just one more good reason not to invest in a car.

Dear 17-Year-Old Writing Students,

Much as I try, I cannot figure out how you have sat in my class the past six weeks and still do not know what a thesis statement is, where it belongs in an essay, and why it is important. I'm also unsure how you have seen the exact same edits on the exact same errors for the past 3-4 weeks and still haven't corrected them. I might start feeling like a failure of an English teacher if it weren't for your twelve-year-old classmates who are writing college-level reports. I would say that, someday, you'll wish you had paid more attention. Unfortunately, if you've made it this far without caring, I doubt you'll start anytime soon.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Delta.com,

Why are you showing today's date as December 19th? I want to check the status of my flight for tomorrow, November 20th, but it would seem I have a wormhole to fly through first.

Hugs & kisses,
B