Dear Christmas Carols,

Now.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear 4-Year-Old Laptop Computer,

I understand that in computer years, you're getting up there. With built-in wireless technology and an integrated webcam, you aren't quite obsolete, and when I bought you, I suppose I did know that I'd expect you to last me a few years through unemployment and grad school. However, just because you see your fourth birthday approaching does not mean it's time for you to start freezing on me every day. I depend on you for my income; an online freelance teacher/tutor/writer needs her laptop like a blacksmith needs fire. So please, just hang in there a little bit longer.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Scythian,

I didn't think anything could make you better, but adding brass to "Cubicles and Tylenol" was, quite simply, an act of genius.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear God,

Thanks.
(For everything.)

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Complexion,

It's about time you started acting our age. Fourteen years ago, you were annoying, yes, but still part of the adolescent cycle of awkwardness that eventually led to the character and self-assurance of my adult years. Today, however, no matter how much character and self-assurance I have, I'm not cool with these blemishes that suggest I am still in middle school. If you would just talk to your upstairs neighbor, my scalp, it would tell you that gray hairs and acne should not mix. You are simply perpetuating a paradox that I, for one, do not appreciate. It's time you grew up.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Most Expensive Item In My Hands At Any Given Time,

Why are you always the one I end up dropping onto a hard cement floor?

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear AllRecipes.com,

Thank you for the Sweet Potato Biscuits recipe that has brought me and my family such delicious joy. In 28 minutes I might also be thanking you for the Garlicky Baked Butternut Squash recipe when it comes out of the oven.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Delta.com,

Why are you showing today's date as December 19th? I want to check the status of my flight for tomorrow, November 20th, but it would seem I have a wormhole to fly through first.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Lake Monona,

I can already tell we're going to be good friends.
Hugs & kisses,
B