Dear Every Happy Pop Song Ever,

You suddenly all make sense.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Ladies and Gentlemen,

An era is over.

Hugs & kisses & bubbles & rainbows & puppies,
B

Dear Friends,

I don't deserve you. Each day, I wonder what I could have possibly done to earn your friendship, and I can never reach a satisfactory answer. You are supportive, attentive, and in every way wonderful. And you seem to think I deserve your friendship, despite my doubts on that score.

Maybe this is a slight hint of the love we have from Christ. I don't deserve his love, but he really, really wants to give it to me. To all of us. Deep, true love isn't our love for God, but his love for us, sacrificial love with no reason to expect an equal return. He meets us halfway and, when we aren't there, he keeps going the whole way until he reaches us where we are.

Thanks for loving me so much I can start to understand, however slightly, the love of Christ.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Feminine Wiles,

You've been entirely absent most of my life, and I got kind of used to it. Yes, I wanted to think there would be a day I might be attractive, but in reality, never able to imagine a time you'd ever be on, I built up no strategy for turning you off. But it seems I need to learn.

First, it was my one true love on State Street. Last week, it was the man (Bingo, he called himself) on the bus who offered me a seat. On his lap.

And today, it was on my way out of the library. I got a (and I quote), "Damn, girl, you are fine," complete with some kind of wolf whistle. Thank the Lord it's day light in the evenings now.

The thing is, now that you apparently exist, suddenly, after the awkwardness of my teenage years and beyond, I don't know how to handle this type of thing. From behind my eyes, I'm still the acne-speckled, overweight, unstylish girl with split ends, and it's hard to believe that these forthright displays of attraction aren't some kind of joke.

And really, even if that wasn't the case, I'm pretty sure it's uncomfortable for everyone to be wolf-whistled and lap-offered. So while I appreciate the fact you finally decided to exist, you need to chill out when I'm around creepers, okay? Because that's not cool.

Feel free to crank it up, however, around non creepers. That I don't object to.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Google Maps App,

I am so, so, so, so, so grateful for your development. Yes, using HopStop got me by, and if I was okay working with generalities, the Apple maps app did okay, but ever since downloading you, I have felt once again whole in my navigational requirements. Not only do you actually have public transit worked into the app, you list out every stop between the origin and the destination in a handy expand-and-collapsible section. I know I'm geeking out right now in a most decidedly unbecoming way, but after freaking out a few months ago when Apple dropped every kind of navigational ball, I wanted to make public my feelings for you. A few weeks too late, Google Maps App, will you be my Valentine?

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear J.J. Abrams,

Seriously, dude, you have some major daddy-daughter issues.

Lately, while watching the Alias episodes I missed out on while working in college, all I keep thinking is that you've somehow managed to cover just about every single weird relationship snag between fathers and daughters you possibly could in this show. And it's not just Alias. I remember back when I watched Heroes the straaa-aaaa-aaange things you wrote for HRG to do in his dysfunctional protection of his daughter the cheerleader. Not only do you cover hatred, but you also manage to throw in a strong dose of protective idolatry, too.

Do you have a daughter? Did she turn out okay? And no, I've never watched Lost, but I suspect you've managed to write in some chosen-girl prophecy to that one, too, complete with a trigger-happy daddy ready to do anything to protect his baby.

Ooh, ooh, new drinking game: a shot for every person who gets shot on this show. Never mind. I like my liver too much.

Hugs & kisses,
B

Dear Vienna,

Slow down, you crazy child
you're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart, tell me
Why are you still so afraid?

Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You'd better cool it off before you burn it out
You've got so much to do and
Only so many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize?
Vienna waits for you.

Slow down, you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Tonight

Too bad but it's the life you lead
you're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong, you know
You can't always see when you're right
You're right.

You've got your passion, you've got your pride
but don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize?
Vienna waits for you.

Slow down, you crazy child
and take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile
it's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize?
Vienna waits for you.

And you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize?
Vienna waits for you.

Hugs & kisses,
B

P.S. Thanks, Billy Joel, for getting it so right.